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Love and Misadventure by Lang Leav (Book)

I am not sure since when my blog turned into a kind of book recension website. I do not have any intention to turn my blog into one, actually. It’s just that I’ve been reading quite some books lately (nothing related to my studies unfortunately 🙈🙈🙈 #shame).

Anyway, Love and Misadventure is the third Lang Leav’s book I’ve read. I should have probably read it first, since this was her first book. But I did not get hold of the book before now, so… 🙂

Overall, I like this book, but not as much as Memories. Probably because I have read some of the poems in Memories? But I think it’s also because I feel that the poems are not as dramatic, sad, and dark as I had hoped (yes, I am a very dark person 🖤). But it’s still worth reading, though. I will give 3.75 stars out of 5 (strange score, I know 😂⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️).

And… here’s one of my favourite poems from the book:

Just Friends

I know that I don’t own you,
and perhaps I never will,
so my anger when you’re with her,
I have no right to feel.

I know that you don’t owe me,
and I shouldn’t ask for more;
I shouldn’t feel so let down,
all the times when you don’t call.

What I feel—I shouldn’t show you,
so when you’re around I won’t;
I know I’ve no right to feel it—
but it doesn’t mean I don’t.

– Lang Leav, Love and Misadventure

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Sad Girls by Lang Leav (Book)

“What if I’m making a huge mistake?”

“Then make it. You can’t go on living a lie.”

– Lang Leav, Sad Girls

This is the first time I read Lang Leav’s novel. I was a bit sceptical at first because I knew that she was such an amazing poet. I was afraid that I wouldn’t find the same beauty in the words that she put as a novel, as it was in a poetry. But I was desperate. The past few days had been so difficult for me. I needed an escape. And the title seemed apt, so I decided to give it a go.

I first read the excerpts from Google books. I should say that as I grew older, it was hard for me to find a book that I couldn’t put down. And this book is one of the very few. I was hooked. I decided to keep on reading and it did not disappoint.

To be honest, it was scary to find how many quotes from the book actually reflect what I had been feeling. And just when you thought you’d get a happy ending, things took a darker turn. *Basically you knew you were screwed when you read something happy just 10 pages before the end of the book. Oh and surprisingly, this was one of a few books which I did not jump on the last page and read the ending.

All in all, I would give this 4 out of 5 stars (should probably write that in Goodreads as well). A bit cliche, perhaps, with light language, but I like it anyway. It was beautiful.

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About being too hard on myself

I was reading this post about being too hard on yourself that I was inspired to write about it too. (I was actually thinking of commenting on the original post, but since I was afraid that it would be too long for a comment I decided to dedicate own blog post 😛

I am not a stranger to being too hard on myself. When I was writing my master’s thesis, I remembered that I could not answer ONE QUESTION for my half-time seminar and I instantly felt like the most stupid person in the world. I bugged my supervisor afterwards, trying to find the answer, but instead, I saw a part of me that I had never seen before (or that I refused to see before).

He pointed out to me that I was a perfectionist, that I had a high standard. I was about to disagree because if you looked at my house, it was a total mess and did not reflect me being a perfectionist at all. But he was right when he said I had a high standard (read: ambitious). Especially when it came to education. I could not accept anything below excellent in my assignments/studies (which made it difficult for me, sometimes, well… oftentimes…). So when it came to this half-time seminar (he drew a vertical line) it was as if my standard was the top of this line, but I fell short of that top and it made me immediately felt stupid – although I was actually still pretty high above. I realised that I indeed had that kind of worldview to myself, that anything less than the top was considered worthless.

Strangely, I did not have the same worldview to others. As reflected by this conversation between me and one of the school nurse/psychologist,

’What would you do if your friends made mistakes?’ she asked.

‘I would forgive them,’ I said.

‘Then why don’t you do the same things to yourself?’

Ah, indeed we are the biggest critics of ourselves.

I personally don’t think that being perfectionist/ambitious is wrong. But sometimes, it blinded me from feeling compassionate towards myself, especially when I failed to reach the standard I set for myself. And that’s probably something I should continue working on for the sake of my own sanity (and perhaps others’ around me, too)…

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Late spring/early summer at KI