About being too hard on myself

I was reading this post about being too hard on yourself that I was inspired to write about it too. (I was actually thinking of commenting on the original post, but since I was afraid that it would be too long for a comment I decided to dedicate own blog post 😛

I am not a stranger to being too hard on myself. When I was writing my master’s thesis, I remembered that I could not answer ONE QUESTION for my half-time seminar and I instantly felt like the most stupid person in the world. I bugged my supervisor afterwards, trying to find the answer, but instead, I saw a part of me that I had never seen before (or that I refused to see before).

He pointed out to me that I was a perfectionist, that I had a high standard. I was about to disagree because if you looked at my house, it was a total mess and did not reflect me being a perfectionist at all. But he was right when he said I had a high standard (read: ambitious). Especially when it came to education. I could not accept anything below excellent in my assignments/studies (which made it difficult for me, sometimes, well… oftentimes…). So when it came to this half-time seminar (he drew a vertical line) it was as if my standard was the top of this line, but I fell short of that top and it made me immediately felt stupid – although I was actually still pretty high above. I realised that I indeed had that kind of worldview to myself, that anything less than the top was considered worthless.

Strangely, I did not have the same worldview to others. As reflected by this conversation between me and one of the school nurse/psychologist,

’What would you do if your friends made mistakes?’ she asked.

‘I would forgive them,’ I said.

‘Then why don’t you do the same things to yourself?’

Ah, indeed we are the biggest critics of ourselves.

I personally don’t think that being perfectionist/ambitious is wrong. But sometimes, it blinded me from feeling compassionate towards myself, especially when I failed to reach the standard I set for myself. And that’s probably something I should continue working on for the sake of my own sanity (and perhaps others’ around me, too)…


Late spring/early summer at KI


2014 in review

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2014 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

A San Francisco cable car holds 60 people. This blog was viewed about 950 times in 2014. If it were a cable car, it would take about 16 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.

Bagus grafisnya :3


Life Lately

Been a long time since I last posted in this blog, isn’t it? 🙂

So… how’s life in Sweden like?

It’s getting colder and colder for sure 🙂 Tonight it’s 0 Celcius degree (with -4 degree as its real feel XD ) winter is surely coming and I have changed my coat form the dark blue autumn coat to light green winter coat 🙂

I’m now in my 3rd course of the first semester, basic statistics and computer based analysis. What can I say about this course? I love this course! ❤ of course I do, it’s all about what I’ve learned before in my undergrad level. Now I realize that I’m more of a biostatistician than an epidemiologist myself >.< But what can I do? I’ll try to be a good epidemiologist as well 🙂

The highlight of the previous weeks was my 24th birthday! It’s been a really lovely day 🙂 I got lots of birthday wishes, and plenty of surprises! The princess cake brought by my significant other, for example, and the gift card given by my 2 best friends here, not to mention 30 superbly delicious muffins baked by other close girl friends, and a surprise by #paxbabes! ❤ ❤ ❤


I didn’t know what got into me but it was only tonight that I finally felt it in my heart and thought about it, about how grateful I should be, looking at what I have achieved this far. Of course there still are wounds that are not healed yet, but for tonight, I will lock the drawer and simply say,

‘Thank you, God…’


Hari Keduapuluhdelapan – Pisang

Hari ini pas makan siang asli random banget ngobrolin pisang sama temen-temenku. Pertamanya lupa ngomongin apa, tapi terus Marios nanya ke aku sama Oscar, “Emangnya ada pisang lain selain yang biasa kita kenal di supermarket?”

Wah… langsung aja aku sama Oscar bilang,”Wah ada lah…” Trus kita berdua langsung heboh gitu ngomongin pisang dari negara masing-masing. Indonesia boleh bangga lah kita punya jenis pisang banyak banget. Aku aja sebenernya ga apal ada pisang apa aja. Aku bilang aja kita punya pisang dengan berbagai ukuran, dari mulai yang gede banget sampe  yang kecil banget. Ku bilang aja yang kecil itu ada yang namanya pisang susu. Pisang = banana, susu = milk, jadi milk banana. Hahahaha #ngarangabis xD Terus aku bilang aja pisang yang gede banget biasanya kita goreng. Terus pada kaget gitu denger ada makanan pisang goreng. Hahahahahaha. Belom nyobain aja mereka xD Terus si Oscar cerita, kalo di Kolombia ada makanan semacem pisang goreng tapi rasanya asin gitu. Terus ada juga semacam snack dari pisang yang dikasih saus dari jambu biji. Wow. kaya apa ya rasanya? 😀 😀 😀

Seru sih kalo udah ngobrol sama temen-temen lintas negara, karena banyak hal baru yang bisa kita pelajari, bahkan sampai ke hal sesimpel jenis-jenis pisang. Oh trus kadang aku juga gemes-gemes gimana gitu kalo dengerin temenku cerita dia suka makan nasi, tapi dia cuma tau beras basmati sama beras jasmin (ya emang adanya cuma itu sih di sini). Duh, coba dia dateng ke Indonesia, jenis-jenis beras aja ada banyak banget. Ya pandan wangi lah, rojo lele lah. Tapi gimana coba jelasin beras rojo lele ke mereka? Catfish king rice? (catfish = lele, king = raja, rice = beras –> maksa :P) Hehehehe.

Jadi kawan-kawan di Indonesia, bersyukurlah Anda-Anda bisa makan berbagai macam nasi, bisa makan berbagai macam pisang dan olahannya, dan terutama bisa makan gorengan. Hehehehe.

Aaaahhhh. Jadi laper kan *kunyah telor rebus*


Question #6 Answered! How can I use the microwave? (don’t laugh,I’m not used to it)

Jadi di dapur asramaku ternyata memang ada microwave, dan herannya, justru selama aku di sini aku malah lebih sering make microwave daripada kompor :))) (kompornya di sini make kompor induksi, btw) Jadi kan emang microwave tu beda2. Di koridor temenku, microwavenya ada auto menunya lagi. Tapi kalo di aku ngga. Di aku cuma ada 2 kenop: suhu sama waktu. Jadi di kenop suhu itu ada pilihan ‘low, ‘defrost’, ‘medium’, ‘medium-high’, sama ‘high’. Suhunya pake itungan menit. Lupa tapi paling lama berapa menit. 

Jadi kalo mau make, yaudah. tinggal pilih aja suhunya, terus atur waktunya :)) selama ini sih aku ngasal aja milihnya :))) misalnya, kalo abis beli kebab2an dingin dari Pressbyrån (semacam 7/11), ya tinggal setel ke ‘defrost’ trus atur waktunya jadi 2 menit. Atau kalo mau masak Indomie (oh yes, bisa loh masak indomie pake microwave :)), isi mangkok dengan air 1,5 gelas, masukin indomie, terus atur suhunya ke ‘high’ dan set waktunya ke 5 menit. Tapi kalo aku sih suka dikurangin suhunya, soalnya aku ga gitu suka kalo terlalu benyek mie-nya. hehehehe…

Begitulah ! 😀 Selamat mencoba!


Some Initial Questions…

Jadi ceritanya, di blog yang lama itu aku pernah mosting beberapa pertanyaan yang aku khawatirkan, yang aku pengen tau jawabannya seputar hidup di negeri orang, dalam hal ini… Swedia. Karena semua hal yang berkaitan dengan keseharianku di Swedia mau aku pindahin di blog ini, jadi jawabannya akan aku tulis di sini ya… 🙂 Berikut kira-kira pertanyaannya:

  1. Mau makan apa? (Aku ga bisa masak. Kapan seharusnya aku masak?)
  2. Gimana caranya buang minyak bekas?
  3. Gimana aku harus buang pembalut?
  4. Bakal sedingin apa di Swedia? Aku bakal pilek ga?
  5. Gimana kuliahnya? Aku bakal bisa ngikutin ga, ya…? Kalo ga bisa gimana?
  6. Gimana caranya make microwave?
  7. Gimana caranya minta ijin kalo mau solat?
  8. Bisa dapet air panas dari keran apa ngga? Bisa dipake buat bikin teh ngga?
  9. Gimana caranya aku ngambil paket dari Indonesia? Kantor posnya jauh ngga?
  10. Gimana caranya dapet kerjaan paruh waktu?

Nah, di hari-hari pertamaku tinggal di Swedia, ada beberapa pertanyaan yang udah bisa terjawab nih. Aku akan posting dengan judul ‘Question… Answered!’ ya… 😀 stay tune!